Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Breakup

Oh wow. I don't even know where to begin. It's been about a month since my last post and there is a reason for that. We've hit a major bump in the road. A bump that has left me no longer matched with my IPs (Intended Parents). We've come so far and that is what hurts the most. I've had a really hard time these past few weeks. So emotional. So confused. Broken hearted. Scared. Angry. It totally sucks. And the hardest part--I can't talk about it to everyone. I can't blog about the specifics. If you know me, then you would know that I have a hard time keeping things to myself. But this--This I am not able to share. Not yet, at least.

I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. I may not know or understand WHY at this very moment, but I will some day. I pray that we can overcome this "obstacle" and move forward so that I can be rematched with another couple in the very near future. My heart and soul is set on being a gestational surrogate so I will keep fighting for my journey. My heart and soul is set on helping a couple bring a child into this world, so I will keep fighting. I will not give up. I want this so badly it hurts. It was taken from me so abruptly and I am was angry for that. I know God has another plan for me so I will trust in him. Knowing and remembering that this is in Gods hands is what gives me peace.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."