Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Fight.

It has been almost a year since I started digging, whole-heartedly, in to this lovely world of Surrogacy. I can tell you one thing - I never thought in a million years I would be where I am at today. This whole "waiting game" is getting the best of me. I watch as some of my surrogate girlfriends are being matched up with Intended Parents; receiving their "golden box" of meds in the mail; transferring; finding out how many embies took; hearing about the wonderful relationships that they have with their Intended Parents; delivering their surro babies.......I want all of that so badly. It is starting to get really tough for me as I cheer on the side lines of other friends' journeys when I want my own journey so badly. Don't get me wrong, I am over-the-moon happy for the ladies that I am privileged enough to call my surro-friends, but damn it, when is MY time going to come!? Who knew that it would take me this long to become a gestational surrogate? I certainly had no clue. I totally thought I would be matched immediately upon filling out my application, when was it, in July of last year!? I figured I'd be matched and pregnant in no time. Boy, was I so, so very wrong. Nothing ever comes easy in Surrogacy and man have I come to finally realize that. There always seems to be some sort of hoops that you have to jump through. There is always something that blind-sides you. Always.

Its tough answering people when they ask "So,whats new with your surrogacy adventure?". Questions like this make me want to crawl in a hole and hide until the person leaves. Or maybe if I close my eyes long enough they will think I fell asleep? Hmmm, I think I just might try that one. If you want to know "whats new" with my journey, then please follow my blog. I keep it pretty up-to-date with what I am able to share at the moment. My fight to be a gestational surrogate is far from over. I have never worked so hard for something in my life, and when I finally succeed (which I will very soon!!), it will be the sweetest and most beautiful thing. Ever. (Ok, well, second sweetest and most beautiful thing ever, next to my husband and two children.)


Surrogacy, so far, has taught me so much patients. To chill out and let things happen the way they are meant to. To let go of what I can not control and let God and the Universe, in its own time, reveal whats in store for me.

So this is me, officially letting go, and letting God. 


14 comments:

RebekahRose said...

Hugs Andrea! I GET IT. My first surrogacy journey was filled with so many ups and downs and disappointments and I kept wondering WHY this was happening? I just wanted to help another couple have a baby, why were things SO difficult?? However, though I can still vividly remember all the frustration and trials we went through I know from my head to my toes that the little girl that will be 4 this year is the REASON things took as long as they did, the reason for the ridiculous ups and downs. Had things happened on a different timeline that precocious adorable little girl might not be here. I think of it very much as a "when it's meant to be it will" - when everything is aligned for the child(ren) you're supposed to carry to come to be all of a sudden things start coming together!! Hang in there, the surro-baby(ies) you carry just aren't ready to be conceived quite yet! :)

Andrea said...

Rebekah, your comment gave me chills and filled my eyes with tears. You are absolutely, 100% correct. You have brought a little bit of peace to my heart. Thank you.

Jeni said...

Wow. Rebekah couldn't have said it better. Your time is coming girl!! And all of your surro-friends absolutely cannot wait for that time to come! Imagine how excited we are all going to be! You're an amazing friend and surro-friend to so many women....a true gift to the land of surrogacy. Hang in there. Lots of hugs coming your way.

Jesse said...

I'm with the other girls, here--just know that we're all here for you, supporting you and sending good thoughts and prayers your way. Your time will come. I question every day why my first journey ended the way it did. I'm a strong believer in "everything happens for a reason", though sometimes we just don't know what/why/when or how...I have a really good feeling about you and your next journey, whenever that will be. You are a beautiful person, inside and out and I'm gonna be here cheering you on!!

momof4 said...

Andrea- I believe this is all happening for a reason...I truly do. You are one of the most amazing, strong, patient, caring women I know. I can't think of any other person I want something so badly for. And when you do get matched I hope the IP's know they will have the BEST Surro ever! I love ya girl and stay strong.

Jennifer said...

You are an amazing woman and I hate that you are having to go through this. But, I know your time is coming. But it's when and how that journey was meant to happen that remains to be seen. Since reading my blog you know I am a big believer of it will happen when it was meant to happen. I had to go through 3 failed matches to get to this point and I know I have finally found them. The shortest distance between two points may be a straight line but sometimes they're doing construction and you just have to take the scenic route ;) *Hugs*

TXSurromom said...

Awww, it's so tough to wait it out. I think that's the hardest lesson to learn as a newbie is that nothing is ever quick and smooth...and when you're ready to help someone, it makes it that much harder to wait. I think Rebekah said it perfectly and I hope your time is soon!!!

Merr said...

Hi I have been reading your blog but not sure if I have ever commented. I so feel ya though! I signed up to be a surro in Feb 2010. I got matched in May 2010. I did a transfer in Oct. 2010. It failed and my IP's didn't want to try again. So now I have been waiting to be matched again. It has been almost a year since my first match and I can't believe it is taking so long. I am trying to just hang in there and hope that the right couple will come along soon, but waiting is hard. I feel like it may never happen sometimes, and that is very disappointing. I really want to do this now more than ever!! Good luck to ya!

Surrogate, Single Parent and Dating... said...

Hang in there girl!!!! Rebekah said it very well. I waited a year and a half for my first IPs to "get it together" only for them to back out. I was disappointed then, but now I have the best IPs and am so THANKFUL for the first failed attempt!!!! Keep your head up and the best thing you can do is give it to God!! You are a wonderful person and it will happen for you!

Tiffany said...

Rebecka said it perfectly. It took over two years before my first journey brought us the lil man I now call my surrobabe. If the time and circumstances had been different we wouldn't have sweet Baby G and now I can't imagine it happening any differently. Stay true to your dream and remain strong. My thoughts are with you.

Heather said...

So, how do you get matched? How does this even work? I am completely new to this. E-mail me osawearne@hotmail.com

Krystal said...

I'm sorry that you're having to endure such trying times, but like the other ladies have said, IT WILL HAPPEN FOR YOU! :-) Your patience will pay off. I'm praying for you!

Heidi said...

Andrea, I feel your pain. It took me almost two years to get where I am today. Don't let that discourage you though because I wouldn't have it any other way. I truly believe things happen for a reason and that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. Whoever you match up with will be so lucky and I just know this journey will be everything you have been waiting for. Hang in there girl!

linda said...

Andrea, getting matched is a really hard process for both sides. I think that for the IPs, they need to truly come to terms with giving up control to their GS. It's a hard thing to do. I think that many people cast their net out for a GS without truly being ready in their hearts. You, however, are ready and raring to go. You don't seem as though you're at all hesitant but just need to meet IPs with the same level of commitment.

I hemmed and hawed over surrogacy for a year until I was truly ready. It was very hard to get to that spot. Along the way I've spoken with many GS's and I hope that I didn't mislead any as to my level of commitment at that time.

You'll find a match Andrea. :)