Saturday, September 6, 2014

Love at First Read

Where it all began.

January 3, 2013. The day I read this open letter that ultimately started the beginning of surrogacy #2 for me.

Less than 5 years ago I couldn't have dreamt of writing this letter to you.  I wasn’t out of the closet.  I wasn’t dating men.  I wasn't open and honest with myself, my family, or my friends about who I really was.  I was in complete and utter denial.  I couldn't be gay, I just couldn’t.  I wanted what all my buddies had: a wife and kids.  Accepting the fact I was gay meant I couldn't have a family.  Or could I?

Less than 5 years ago I thought my life was close to perfect.  I owned my own home.  I had a great job.  I had all the close friendships one could hope for.  I was also dating women but I always found something wrong with each one.  My parents would joke each date was another Seinfeld episode.  This one’s hands were too big.  Another depended on how the lighting was hitting her face.  I never clicked with any of them.  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I wanted a family of my own.  I wanted my kids to be biologically related to me and my spouse.  Accepting the fact I was gay meant I couldn’t have a family.  Or could I?

Less than 5 years ago I went on to and changed my match from “men looking for women” to “men looking for men”.  I had done this switch before just to browse but I never acted on it.  This time I logged on and saw Allen’s profile, a profile I had seen multiple times over the years.  The first picture was him smiling, arms in the air, he looked so happy.  The next photo he was smiling, holding a puppy, he looked so happy.  On and on each picture he was smiling and he looked so happy.  And handsome!  Did I mention how hot and handsome he was!  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I couldn’t contact him.  Or could I?

I clicked the button and sent him a wink.

Clicking that button and sending Allen a wink was the beginning of the rest of my life.  Clicking that button confirmed my fears that I was gay.  Clicking that button made me sick to my stomach.  What if he didn’t respond?  And why wouldn’t he respond!  I’m a catch!  OMG.  Why did I click that button!  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  Or could I?

Allen went to work the next day and logged into to cancel his account. He saw he had a pending wink from a really attractive, handsome, sexy, (I could go on) guy.  He wrote me back asking to meet.  We met the next day and nearly each day thereafter.  On our first date we even discussed having kids, it was a requirement for both of us.  We both wanted to be dads.  We became inseparable and I instantly fell in love with him.  I had never felt this way about anyone, ever.  But how could I fall in love with a man?  I couldn’t be gay, I just couldn’t.  I am.  I definitely am.

Less than 5 years ago I couldn’t have dreamt of writing this letter to you.  Yet now I wake up every morning thinking about you.  You’re the topic of conversation during breakfast.  You’re the topic of conversation around the water cooler at work.  You’re the topic of conversation at dinner.  You’re the topic of conversation as we crawl into bed each night.  But who are you?

We know who you are.  You’re an incredibly strong woman with an unbelievably huge heart.  You’re kind, caring, considerate, and loving.  Unlike me 5 years ago, you always knew I could have a family.  (I just wish you would have told me sooner!)  You may not have been at our wedding but you’ll be there at the start of our family.  You’re accepting of the GLBT community and believe in marriage equality.

You too have dreams of the family you’re going to help start.  You dream they are deserving of a child but they just need some help in making it happen.  You dream they have an incredible support system of family and friends excited to meet you and thank you.  You dream you’ve been searching for the ideal IP’s, a happily married couple who will provide undying love and undivided attention to the bundle of joy you help bring into this world. 

We can’t wait to meet you so all of our dreams can come true.

R + A

Tears filled my eyes while I read the letter over and over again. It touched me so deeply that I knew in my heart I was meant to be Robbie and Allen's surrogate. I felt as though their open letter to their surro-to-be was speaking directly to me and only me. I felt compelled to reach out to Robbie and Allen so I left a short and sweet comment on their blog post.

"So here's my blog me maybe?"

Two weeks later we met each other in person to discuss the ins and outs of surrogacy. One year and six months after that a modern family was created. And I was the lucky gal to help make this happen.

Monday, August 11, 2014

A Birth Announcement

Meet Dylan Jacob.
He is beautiful. He is perfect. He is loved by so many. 

Born: Monday, July 28, 2014
Time: 8:20 am
Weight: 7 pounds and 6 ounces
Length: 18 3/4 inches long
Proud Daddies: Robbie and Allen

Our birth story and more photos to come soon!!

Monday, June 9, 2014

7 weeks to go!

Today marks the 32 week mark. In just 7 short weeks we will meet this little man that is growing inside my womb. He is active and strong and growing at an alarming rate. Ok, so maybe not "alarming", but boy am I starting to feel it!

31 weeks on the left and 32 weeks on the right. Grow baby, grow!!

How am I feeling?:  I'm slowing down with each day and getting tired very easily. At times, my aches and pains are getting to be very difficult to handle. I caved last week and made an appointment with my chiropractor for some relief.  I'm the type of person that waits things out to see if my body will recover on it's own before seeking relief -- whether it be a small dose of Tylenol or a trip to the doc. This time, my body knew what it wanted and it wouldn't ease up until I gave in and sought out help. And thank gawd I did! My chiropractor worked her magic on my back and I instantly felt the tension disappear. Why the heck did I wait so long?? Stubbornness I guess.

Doctor Appointments: I passed the one hour glucose test last month. Yay!! At our last OB appointment, we were able to sneak a speak at this little dude. He has the most lucious lips!! I can not wait to meet this little one. We are down to appointments every two weeks now.

Weight gain: No comment.

Sleep: It's getting increasingly harder to get comfortable. Staying comfortable is another story. I'm constantly awakened while struggling to adjust positions or rescuing my arms and hands because they've fallen asleep and have become tingly. My belly feels very heavy and no sleep position is a good one at this point. Pillows are my best friends right now.

Mood: I'm tired. I'm crabby. I'm 8 months pregnant. Need I say more?

Exciting Moment: Getting to see Scoop unexpectedly in 3D during our last ultrasound. It's was pretty awesome. And he is simply beautiful.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

A special visit with Peanut and his Daddies

Back in April I had the pleasure of spending a few days with my Peanut and his Daddies up in San Francisco. My friend Amy was able to join us too! Amy is very special to us - she attended Ari's birth and captured some of the most incredible moments. (check them out here and here!) We love you, Amy!!

Amy did a quick mini-session during our visit, too. Check them out below.

Our time with my Surro-Fam was short and sweet. I really enjoyed just being there and watching Ari interact with his Dads. It was nice to catch up with A & M too! It's been almost exactly one year since we've all seen each other, and that is way too long. I've made a promise with myself to see them more often.

Ari is so smart and such a beautiful little boy. He is very active too! I am looking forward to seeing them again very soon. Ari turns TWO this November, and I'm thinking that will be a great time for another visit.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

25 weeks down and 14 to go!

Seriously? More than half way done with this pregnancy. It makes me sad to know that it's almost over. It makes me even more sad to know that this may be my last pregnancy, too. This will be my 4th c-section, and even though I've had great recoveries and with minimal scar tissue, you just never know how the next one will go. I'm crossing my fingers and toes that this delivery will go as seamlessly as the last three, and that I'm given the "all clear" to get pregnant just ONE MORE TIME.

As sad as I may be about this pregnancy nearing the end, I am ecstatic at the thought of witnessing Robbie and Allen fall madly in love with their new baby boy the second they lay their eyes on him. This is the part that surrogates dream about the most. It is an honor to see the new family bonding together, and it's an even bigger gift to watch that family grow over the years to come.

Taken a few weeks ago at our 23 wk check-up

How am I felling? We are currently 25 weeks and 3 days pregnant and I am feeling great! Seriously. No complaints. 

Doctor Appointments: Our next OB appointment is on May 5th - Cinco de Mayo! I will have the 1 hour glucose test and then we'll get to tour the hospital.

Weight gain: I've been at a steady gain of 2 pounds every 4 weeks. Not bad! *pats self on back*

Sleep: Sleep is going well. I'm getting more tired throughout the day as we progress further into this pregnancy, but i'm hanging in there!

Mood: My patience runs pretty thin past 8:00pm. Anything that my husband does past this time pisses me off or annoys me. The poor guy can't even drink a glass of water without me giving him the evil glare. 

Exciting moment: I recently celebrated my 32nd birthday in San Diego with my family and my IFs. Saturday was spent with my family lounging around the hotel pool and taking a boat tour around Mission Bay. Sunday (Easter) we enjoyed a fun-filled day at Sea World with Robbie and Allen. So much fun!

Husband. Mom. Me. Kids.
Me. (hot) Husband. Kids. IFs.

Robbie. Me. Allen.

I wasn't able to go on any of the rides due to having a little womb-mate. Everyone else enjoyed this ride and made it past the big drop with minimal splashing. What they didn't realize is that they've just entered the "Cannon zone", and guess who's behind the trigger!?! ME!!

Wait for it........

Cannon shot!!! Score!

Bhahahahaha!!! Got 'em!!

They had no clue what was coming. Best. Moment. All. Day. 

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

POP goes the baby bump!

How am I felling? We are 19 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Baby "Scoop" is growing rapidly. These last few weeks I have been eating non-stop. This kid can eat! I feel like I am constantly eating and never full.

Doctor Appointments: We had our 2nd trimester ultrasound and anatomy scan this morning. Scoop is measuring well, and even 4 days ahead. He's always measured a few days ahead since our very first ultrasound. Any bets on how much this kid will weigh at birth?

Today we were given hospital registration forms. We're already halfway done with this pregnancy and it's time to register for the delivery! So hard to believe. It's just flying by. Our next appointment we'll try and see if we can schedule the c-section date.

Weight gain: I've been at a steady gain of 2 pounds every 4 weeks. Not bad!

Sleep: Going well!!*knocking on wood*

Mood: Stable. But maybe I should confirm that with my husband?

Exciting moment: Booking my plane tickets for a good (Surro) friend's wedding, and extending that trip to see my first surro-babe, Peanut, and his daddies next month!!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Hello 2nd trimester. How I've longed for you!

I just love the second trimester of pregnancy. I get most of my energy back, the belly starts to "pop", and I get that lovely pregnancy glow. Finally, after 16 long weeks, I had a spurt of energy last weekend and I went to town on cleaning out closets, organizing the kids' toys, and planting some flowers. I have been wanting to do this for quite some time now but I just couldn't muster up enough energy to get anything done during the first trimester. It felt great to get so much done over the weekend.

I am currently 16 weeks and 2 days pregnant with "Scoop", as my IPs have nicknamed this little dude. Our first ultrasound together and the baby looked like a melted scoop of ice cream (mostly the placenta and yolk sac were visible), thus "Scoop" was created! Scoop currently loves bagels with cream cheese, milk, Mexican food, and chocolate. Oh, and Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream chips.

How am I feeling: I'm feeling great! I finally have enough energy to make my family dinner after work and can even stay up with them until 9:00PM now. My energy is coming back and I'm a more functional mom these days. I do have body aches and pains much earlier in this pregnancy compared to my last three, but I plan to start seeing a chiropractor here soon to take care of it. Robbie and Allen were so sweet and gifted me a pregnancy massage for Valentine's Day. It will definitely come in handy and I will be making my pampering appointment very soon.

Doctor appointments: Our next OB appointment is Tuesday, March 11th. We'll also have our second trimester ultrasound and anatomy scan at this appointment. My IFs have been able to make every appointment so far for this pregnancy. It's nice having them there and so they can experience this pregnancy to the fullest.

Weight gain: So far, I've gained 5 pounds this pregnancy.

Sleep: Sleep is going well so far. I'm able to sleep comfortably and stay asleep all night.....unless I have to pee.

Mood: I feel my mood has stabilized now that I'm in the second trimester. I'm still very sensitive though and will cry at the silliest of things.

Exciting moment: Robbie and Allen gifted my family tickets to Disneyland for Christmas. We finally had the chance to use the tickets this week and spent the entire day making memories together. It's been a dream of mine to take my kids to Disneyland now that they're older. Ticket prices are outrageously expensive and darn near impossible to afford for a family of 4. Robbie and Allen made our dreams come true and we were so grateful for the generous gift!

16 weeks pregnant and Scoop's first trip to Disneyland

Sunday, February 9, 2014

15 weeks and it's a.....

We'll be 15 weeks tomorrow (Monday). Time is flying by with this pregnancy. I've been feeling my newest belly buddy move since about 11 weeks. As each week passes, the movements and kicks get a little bit stronger. I felt the first hiccups last week. Feeling the baby move is one of my favorite parts of being pregnant. This has been the earliest that I've ever felt movement in any of my pregnancies.

Not having to suck in your gut for 9 months feels fantastic (another pregnancy perk). Except when you haven't quite "popped" yet. Then it just looks like your gut has exploded and you've over stayed your welcome at the all-you-can-eat buffet one too many times. I'm anxiously awaiting my bump to grow into a beautiful baby belly.  My regular clothes are fitting pretty snug now but my maternity clothes are still too baggy. Such an awkward stage.

Morning sickness has hit me pretty bad this pregnancy. Even after stopping meds four weeks ago the nausea has continued. This is why I kept saying it's definitely a girl.  I had morning sickness till about 16 weeks pregnant with my own daughter. With my son, I didn't have much of any morning sickness, and with my first Surro babe, Peanut, morning sickness stopped as soon as I came off all the medication.

It's gotta be a girl!

The magic combo of Unisom and B6 has been a life saver to help take the edge off of morning sickness this pregnancy. Totally a girl.

The daddies elected to do the first trimester Harmony blood test at 12 weeks pregnant. Its's a fairly new test that you can have done just by a simple blood draw from (Surro) mom. It checks for certain genetic abnormalities and it's also able to tell you the gender of the baby!! Girl. Girl. Girl. Everyone is saying it's going to be a GIRL!

Well, we've got the results back and this baby is perfectly healthy!!! Growing right on track and even a few days ahead.

Without further adieu, I give you the gender of my newest belly buddy!!

It's another BOY for this surro-momma and I couldn't be more thrilled!!! Robbie and Allen are over-the-moon ecstatic at the thought of not having to deal with a vagina in the house and this baby's wardrobe is already growing at warp speed.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

11 weeks pregnant and our first OB appointment

As of Monday, I am 11 weeks pregnant with one healthy little bean. We had our first OB appointment of this pregnancy and everything looks great! My OB and nurse were so excited to see me back again and helping another family. I'm thrilled to be able to use the same OB as my last surrogacy.

This baby is a feisty one. I've been feeling the first flutters since last week. This is the earliest I've felt movement with all of my pregnancies. I don't really look pregnant yet, but I am sure starting to fill out! I can't wait for the bump to grow. I've been eating for two more and more these days. I get full quickly, but hungry more often. I feel like I am constantly eating. I'm making healthy food choices so the constant eating doesn't feel so bad.

Next up: We'll be going back in the next week or so for our first trimester screening. There's a new test out where we can find out the sex of the baby just by a simple blood test taken from me. Everyone is super excited to know the results. I'll have to come up with a fun idea for the gender reveal. Robbie and Allen aren't going to get away with a simple phone call to find out the sex of their baby!

How I'm feeling these days: I'm hanging in there. Nausea was getting the better of me, but then I remembered the magic combo that all of my surro-sisters rave about: Unisom and B6. This works like a charm and the magic combo last all day! I take a half of a Unisom and a B6 pill every night and the nausea is pretty much gone. AND I'm sleeping well too, thanks to the Unisom. I wish I would have used this combo for my other pregnancies!

What I'm looking forward to: I'm really looking forward to looking pregnant. I love watching my belly grow and feeling the baby move around inside of me. It's such an incredible feeling.

Until next time.....

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Shit just got REAL real!!

You've waited long enough. So, here it is!!!

A faint positive line was seen on the evening of day 4 and you can see the progression from there!! 

Our surprise reveal to Robbie and Allen. They live in the condos to the right of this picture.
Their front door faces the parking lot that we're standing in.
We pulled up early Sunday morning on November 24th and called Robbie to tell them to come outside.
This is what they saw!! We had a video camera set up to catch their reaction, but my husband recorded the WRONG FRONT DOOR!! So, all you hear is their reaction while you're looking at someone else's front door. 

A little gift for R & A. What could it be?

A closer peak....

It's positive pee sticks!!!!

I had to explain how to read the pregnancy test. 

"Filled with PRIDE" indeed!
My beta results came back as 471 at 10dp5dt and 7825 at 17dp5dt. I'd say we're positively, absolutely, without a doubt pregnant!!! And there is a definite possibility of it being TWINS!!

Ultrasound next Wednesday. The suspense continues!!