Monday, September 20, 2010

Prep For Our Match Meeting

I got a call this morning from Family Creations, the surrogacy program that I am working with to get matched. They said that my potential IP Mom had a few questions for me before she decides to go further with the matching process. I don't blame here--I would have a TON of questions too if I were in her shoes, that's for sure! This all got me thinking--I better get my list of questions ready to ask during the match meeting!!

Here's what I've come up with so far. If you have any input or other questions to add to my list, please share!!
  1. Where are you from?
  2. What do you and your spouse do for a living?
  3. Where did you meet?
  4. How long have you been together?
  5. Do you have any children? Together or from previous relationships? Do you have legal custody of all your children?
  6. Does your family know that you are looking into surrogacy? If not, do you plan to tell them?
  7. Do you have support from family and friends?
  8. Describe your personalities. What are your interests? Hobbies?
  9. Has anyone in your household ever been arrested or convicted of a crime?
  10. Why are you looking for a potential surrogate mother?
  11. If you could have the best surrogacy experience ever, what would it be?
  12. How many IVF attempts (or cycles) are you willing to try to conceive a child?
  13. How many embryos do you foresee implanting during each attempt?
  14. What are your feelings on becoming parents to twins or triplets?
  15. What are your feelings about terminating the pregnancy for medical reasons (for example if the child was found to have a serious birth defect or abnormality that would affect his or her quality of life)?
  16. What are your thoughts on selective reduction?
  17. If an amniocentesis was recommended, knowing the risks to the fetus, would you still want one performed?
  18. What type of relationship do you anticipate having with your surro mom and her family?
  19. How much contact would you like with your surro mom and her family during pregnancy? Will you be attended doctor appointments, ect?
  20. How much contact would you like with your surro mom and her family following the delivery?
  21. Do you plan to tell the child (or children) about this surrogacy journey?
  22. Can I choose the hospital that I will deliver at?
  23. Who do you want present at the birth?
  24. Are you comfortable with allowing my husband and children to meet the baby (or babies) in the hospital? What about the rest of my family (Parents, siblings, et.?).
  25. Would you want your surro mother to express breast milk for the baby? 
  26. If you could choose one thing about my profile that you like best, what would it be and why?
  27. If you had to choose one thing negative about my profile or about me, what would it be and why?
Well there it is. My list of questions to ask my possible Intended Parents (IP's) during our match meeting. Please share your thoughts--Am I asking too much? Too little? Not enough??....You get the point :)


Stacy said...

Hmm, balance is a tough one. At first i thought, wow you're throwing everything out at once, it could be a bit overwhelming. But then i thought, better to put it all out on the table so that way the expectations for you and them is clear from the get go.
The one question that i would add (and it's kind of hidden in some of your other questions, but i'd just put it out there) is "what does it mean for you to be a mom? a dad?" I think you would be able to tell alot about the heart of a possible IP from this answer, both from their verbal and non verbal response..... Just a thought.
Sending you happy thoughts for this process!

Ashely Chancellor Taylor said...

I think its a lot but I would be asking just as much! When do you met them?

Andrea said...

A lot of these questions are questions that the IP's already have to answer on their profile that I get to view. I'm just making this list of the questions that are most important to me and so I don't forget them.

@ Stacy - I really like your suggestion, "What does it mean for you to be a mom? Dad?". Thank you for your input--it really helps!!

@ Ashley - Once the Intended Parents choose me, we will then arrange for a meeting. :)This whole process is a lot of hurry-up-and-wait.

Sheena said...

I like you list!! Especially the ones about your relationship with them and if your children can meet the baby. I think it would be a bit tough on Aiden to understand if the baby was just gone and he didn't get to meet him/her. That would be very important to me. This is such a huge thing for you to do its amazing.

Christina said...

I think it's a good list. I met my IF with a notebook. He said I was so organized! But there some questions that were important to me that I didn't want to forget in conversation. This is a big deal on both sides, and you both need to be comfortable and everything should be out in the open. Honesty is best, hard or not. But when your matched with the right family......YOU KNOW IT!!!! Good luck! Can't wait to hear about the meeting....Will you share the kind of questions she had for you?


Christina said...

That is alot, but im sure she will will comfertable knowing you genuinly care and are interested :)
Maybe ask her what her & her husband expectations are from you and the rest of your family so you know if you can meet them :)
Good Luck

Anonymous said...

Following your blog and it's great! I love the list of questions. As an IP I would want to answer every one and also let you know that I have thought this through in every way. Can't wait to follow your journey! Joy

Kelly & Her Uterus said...

WIth my agency we get a profile to approve before the match meeting which answers most of these questions already. I think it would be hard to meet someone without having most of these answered already. Do they not tell you anything about them before you meet??

Andrea said...

@ Kelly - Oh yes, I will get the profile of the IP's once they decide they want to move forward with me. :) Once I review their profile, we will then move on to our match meeting at the agency.