This wonderful, amazing, life changing experience is now entering its final weeks. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't sad.
I am sad. This is true.
But let me get one thing straight. I am not sad about "giving up" this baby, because really, I am not giving anything up--I am giving this child BACK to his Daddies where he belongs. He was never mine to keep.
I am sad because my part--my "job"--is almost over. I have worked so hard over the last 2 years to find the right agency, pass screenings, get matched with the perfect IPs, endure weeks of meds and injections, get pregnant, sustain a healthy pregnancy, delivery vaginally (VBA2C) and create a family. I have enjoyed this "job" so much that I'm not ready to "resign". Why leave a job that you enjoy and love so much?
Once the Peanut is born though, I have no choice but to "resign" my services and go back to my life. It will never be the same as I have changed as a person in so many ways because of this experience. I have dedicated so much time and energy over the past 2 years that there is no way that my life will go back to the way it was before surrogacy. So, i'm wondering.....how will my life be once the Peanut is born? How will I adjust to not being the surrogate--A & M's surrogate--any longer?
As we count down these final weeks, I am also very excited and anxious. I know...talk about so many emotions!! I have planned and prepared for the most perfect birth--My very first VBA2C (vaginal birth after 2 cesareans). I have studied (Hypnobabies) and researched (my rights and options) and built the most amazing team for this birth. I am ready! Oh wait...I guess I should start packing my hospital bags. So crazy to think that it's almost GO TIME!
How am I feeling? My back has been giving me some issues (mostly in the evening time) so I have started seeing a chiropractor on a weekly basis. A big THANK YOU to my husband for bartering his services so that I can get adjusted. Happy wife, happy life ;)
Doctor appointments: I saw my OB last week. Again, it was an easy breezy appointment with nothing really to report. Starting next week I go to weekly appointments until Peanut arrives. Also, next week we'll test for Group B Strep. I'm crossing my fingers that test comes back negative. I had GBS with my first born but not with my second.
Weight gain: As of last weeks OB visit, I am steady at 17 pounds gained. So, no weight gain in two weeks. WOO HOO!!
Sleep: What sleep?
Just kidding. Sleep sucks. I'll admit it. My poor husband has switched beds with my daughter giving me more room in our bed. It's SO HARD for me to have 4 pillows all around me, supporting my back and my belly, all while trying to roll over onto my other side and NOT run into my husband (I hate touching). So, our new sleeping arrangements are the next best thing. Again...Happy wife, happy life ;)
**I must have just jinxed myself. My husband came to me and said he's not sleeping well and that he's back in our bed. Doh!
Mood: Basically one big ball of emotions.
Exciting moment: My IPs came into town last weekend. I know!! This totally deserves it's own post, but honestly, I want to keep these moments special to me so...I'm not sharing all the details. I will say that my IPs were finally introduced to the rest of my family and everyone loved each other!
5 comments:
Aww, I'm sure Peanut's daddies are getting nervous/excited for you to be done with your job too! I really feel like this is an experience of a lifetime! You will be changed for the better, as you've given a huge gift to two special people. Two matches and 10 months later, and I am just now starting meds...but I've already been changed by this experience and the fun is just beginning! Happy labor vibes are coming your way. :)
After Peanut is born then you can come visit ME all the time :) Getting so excited for the upcoming birth. You're going to rock it for sure.
I am so very familiar with the bitter sweet emotion of "resigning" from a "job" I wish could last forever but, the events that will be transpiring soon will leave you with a renewed feeling and from experience, the best moments of your journey are yet to come. :) I can't believe I've delivered and you are 35 weeks now - WOW where has this year gone!!! I'll be glued to your blog over the next few weeks watching for updates and eventually a birth story. Hang in there! (BTW, your belly is so stinking lil - it's adorable!) LOL
You are so close! It's an exciting and emotional time, that is for sure.
It's tough getting over not being a surrogate any longer. My surrotwins are almost 9 months and I still have sad moments. It's definitely a difficult transition. The pictures, videos and phone calls seem to help a lot.
Good luck with a smooth labor and delivery. Looking forward to seeing the precious baby face.
I remember reading your blog a while ago and your surrogacy plans fell through and you had to take a break. I was so heartbroken because I knew how much you wanted to be a surrogate. Your motivation comes through very clearly in your blogging. I'm so glad that this worked and totally understand the bittersweet feelings that are popping up. You've done an amazing job and I can't wait to "meet" the little Peanut. Sounds like you have a great relationship with your IPs so your connection with them and Peanut will continue for years to come.
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