Another step closer

I picked up some of my OB records this morning (Long story short, I am working with a new agency so I have had to start all over). These records were from my sons birth in 2005. I haven't been into that OB/GYN office since my six week postpartum checkup. It definitely brought back great memories being in there, that's for sure. As I got back to my car, I pulled out the records to take a quick peek. A quick peek turned into 15-20 minutes of reminiscing. It was neat to see all of the doctors notes from each office visit when I was pregnant with my first child. It gave me a whole bunch of warm and fuzzies.

I thought I'd leave you with a few pictures of my Son, who will be 6 years old next month. Man, where does the time go?

 Welcome to the world my sweet, sweet child.

May 26th, 2005

7lbs. 15oz. 

21 Inches Long

And here is my Boy now. Such a handsome lil guy. This picture was taken this past Christmas. I can not believe he's already in Kindergarten, loosing his baby teeth, and soon turning six years old!

The Fight.

It has been almost a year since I started digging, whole-heartedly, in to this lovely world of Surrogacy. I can tell you one thing - I never thought in a million years I would be where I am at today. This whole "waiting game" is getting the best of me. I watch as some of my surrogate girlfriends are being matched up with Intended Parents; receiving their "golden box" of meds in the mail; transferring; finding out how many embies took; hearing about the wonderful relationships that they have with their Intended Parents; delivering their surro babies.......I want all of that so badly. It is starting to get really tough for me as I cheer on the side lines of other friends' journeys when I want my own journey so badly. Don't get me wrong, I am over-the-moon happy for the ladies that I am privileged enough to call my surro-friends, but damn it, when is MY time going to come!? Who knew that it would take me this long to become a gestational surrogate? I certainly had no clue. I totally thought I would be matched immediately upon filling out my application, when was it, in July of last year!? I figured I'd be matched and pregnant in no time. Boy, was I so, so very wrong. Nothing ever comes easy in Surrogacy and man have I come to finally realize that. There always seems to be some sort of hoops that you have to jump through. There is always something that blind-sides you. Always.

Its tough answering people when they ask "So,whats new with your surrogacy adventure?". Questions like this make me want to crawl in a hole and hide until the person leaves. Or maybe if I close my eyes long enough they will think I fell asleep? Hmmm, I think I just might try that one. If you want to know "whats new" with my journey, then please follow my blog. I keep it pretty up-to-date with what I am able to share at the moment. My fight to be a gestational surrogate is far from over. I have never worked so hard for something in my life, and when I finally succeed (which I will very soon!!), it will be the sweetest and most beautiful thing. Ever. (Ok, well, second sweetest and most beautiful thing ever, next to my husband and two children.)

Surrogacy, so far, has taught me so much patients. To chill out and let things happen the way they are meant to. To let go of what I can not control and let God and the Universe, in its own time, reveal whats in store for me.

So this is me, officially letting go, and letting God. 

Checking in!!

It's almost been a month since my last post--sorry about that!! There's nothing really "new" to report just yet. BUT I am working on something though......so stay tuned!! ;)

In the meantime I am still very active in the surrogacy world. I have grown very close with a handful of surro friends online. We chat every day and keep up-to-date with each other's journey. I couldn't ask for a stronger support system--I am so, so blessed!!

This last month has been super exciting for me. So many "surrogacy" related things happening--I love it. I was asked by an Intended Mother friend (who lives close by) to meet up and surprise her Surrogate who was in town for a visit. I am friends with both ladies online so it was nice to finally meet the both of them. I am meeting up with the both of them again this weekend to spend time while "J" is on a 5 day bed rest following her (hopfully) Sunday transfer!

"F" and "J", I truly believe that "God Gave Me You'. You both are more special than you will ever know. I wish you all the very, very best in your upcoming transfer and I look forward to cheering you on on the side lines as you bring the little one(s) into this world.
Love, Andrea

Another Surro friend was flying into LA for her transfer and I got word that she was coming alone. Her family was unable to make it, and her IPs live out of the Country. I offered to be with her during the transfer and stay for the day to keep her company while on bed rest. It was an amazing experience being able to sit in the room with her for the transfer. I was honored to be there and so grateful that she asked me to be in the room with her.

"C", I wish you all the best with this transfer. My fingers are still crossed for you!! I'm so glad to have met you--it's like we've known each other since high school. I love our daily chats and so thankful to have you as my new friend.
Love, Andrea

Here is the goodie basket that I made for her to enjoy while

 on bedrest--complete with pregnancy tests!!

We played around with makeup and fake eye lashes - FUN!!

 

And ended the *fun times* with facial masks!!

Lastly, but certainly not least! One of my Dearest Surro Friends received confirmation that she is pregnant with her surro-baby(ies) (<--I call twins)!!! I am so excited and happy for her and her IFs (Intended Fathers). Best wishes to them all!! I'm hoping and praying that I am able to make it for the delivery!! (well, in the waiting room at least, haha!)

Amy, Amy, Amy--If only we lived closer, is all I have to say. ;)
Love ya, Girlfriend!!!

Well, that's my update!! Until next time--I promise not to go another month without posting. I think what is brewing in my "surrogacy pot" is going to get hot here pretty quickly, if ya know what i mean!! ;) Stay tuned!!

The Breakup

Oh wow. I don't even know where to begin. It's been about a month since my last post and there is a reason for that. We've hit a major bump in the road. A bump that has left me no longer matched with my IPs (Intended Parents). We've come so far and that is what hurts the most. I've had a really hard time these past few weeks. So emotional. So confused. Broken hearted. Scared. Angry. It totally sucks. And the hardest part--I can't talk about it to everyone. I can't blog about the specifics. If you know me, then you would know that I have a hard time keeping things to myself. But this--This I am not able to share. Not yet, at least.

I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. I may not know or understand WHY at this very moment, but I will some day. I pray that we can overcome this "obstacle" and move forward so that I can be rematched with another couple in the very near future. My heart and soul is set on being a gestational surrogate so I will keep fighting for my journey. My heart and soul is set on helping a couple bring a child into this world, so I will keep fighting. I will not give up. I want this so badly it hurts. It was taken from me so abruptly and I am was angry for that. I know God has another plan for me so I will trust in him. Knowing and remembering that this is in Gods hands is what gives me peace.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The Surrogacy Rollercoaster

Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait. Hurry up and wait. UP and down, UP and down. Back and Forth, HIGH and low. All around and upside down. Oh the joys of the surrogacy roller coaster!

We'll we've sorta, kinda hit a hopefully small/minor set back in the medical screening process, but possibly big bump in the road. I can not go into details right now, but there are a few things that we need to take care of and hopefully within the next couple of weeks we'll be able to move forward with contracts. This is a good thing though. Waiting until after April to transfer means (hopefully) no chance of having a holiday season baby! Ideally, it would be nice to have a February baby, but that's just my way of convincing myself to keep my head up during this "down time".

The past few weeks have been tough for me. I seem to be in a long and drawn out waiting period. I was unofficially matched with my IPs back in November of 2010 and we are still waiting to sign contracts. I wish I would have been more prepared for this. I think the unknown is what gets me. I have no clue when the next step will take place. So, I sit here and wait. Not fun. I have all of this love and joy to give, so sitting here and waiting for the next step makes me super antsy and anxious. I've been keeping busy trying to distract myself by chatting on a daily basis with my surrogate friends. They are an awesome set of ladies and so very supportive (you know who you are!!)! It's nice to talk with woman who know and understand EXACTLY what you are going through and know the perfect things to say to make you feel a little better. I love following their journey's too. Surrogacy is such a beautiful thing.

Well, that's my update for now. I'm in a frumpy mood, so I'm headed to dinner with a friend to help cheer me up. Beer and wings....MmmMmm!!

Surrogate Meetup

It's not every day that you get to meet a surrogate (we are very rare gems, don't ya know? ;)). You may pass by one at the local grocery store or might sit behind one in a restaurant, but you would never know it unless she was wearing a t-shirt that said "Yes, I'm  pregnant, No it's not mine" or "Proud Surrogate".  So, how does a surrogate like myself meet other local surrogates?

I am a part of a surrogacy related online forum and I reached out to other local surrogates and it turns out there really are other surrogates in my area--who knew!! So...I organized a meet up and we got together this past Sunday for breakfast. It was so nice to meet other ladies who are going through or have gone through this wonderful journey. We all had a great time getting to know one another, chatting about our journeys, and plan to get together now on a regular basis.

You can never have too much support!! I am so thankful that my surrogacy support network keeps growing and growing and growing.... =)

All Systems Are Ready To Go!

Got the call--i'm medically cleared by my IPs doctor!!!!

Next up: Contracts!! Hopefully--fingers and toes crossed!--contracts will be in place within the next 3 weeks or so. After that we do a mock cycle and then the real thing! Transfer looking more like April if all goes as planned.

WhooHoo!!!!!

Getting to Know One Another

Last month I sent this to my IPs, Eleazar and Angie, as a first step in getting to know each other better. It was a fun game and neat to see what their response was.
Here's what we did. I filled out my answers below and sent this to them via email. They copied and paste to a new email, removed my answers, filled out their own answers and then sent it back to me. Fun! 

Three nicknames I go by 

1) Annie

2) Ann

3) Annabelle

Three Jobs I have had in my life

1) Instructional Aide for handicap children

2) Dermatologist Front Office Assistant

3) Executive Assistance for a Cancer Pathology Laboratory

Three Favorite drinks 

1) Ice cold water

2) Iced tea

3) A nice cold beer

Three TV Shows that I watch

1) Greys Anatomy

2) Private Practice

3) Brothers and Sisters

Three things I've wanted to be when I grew up

1) Mommy

2) Labor and Delivery Nurse

3) Grocery Store Checker (haha! I've always been fascinated with the scanner!)

  

Three favorite foods  

1) Sushi

2) Pizza 

3) Crab legs....Mmmmmm!!!!

Three things I worry about

1) My Children's health and safety

2) Something getting in the way of me becoming a surrogate mother

3) My son's education (It's crazy what they have to learn as a kindergartener these days!)

  

Three Things that I am looking forward to

1) Becoming a surrogate

2) Watching my children grow

3) Growing old with my husband

Three places that I have visited

1) Jamaica for our honeymoon

2) Hawaii

3) Florida, Walk Disney World

--------------------------------------------------------------------

A - Age: 28

B - Birthday: April 21

C - Chore(s) you hate: Laundry, dishes, moping, and cleaning the bathrooms.

D - Dad's Name: James

E - Essential start your day item: Snuggle time with my kids followed by a cup of coffee

F - Favorite holiday:  Christmas!!!

G - Gold or Silver: Either white gold or silver

H - Height: 5'9"

I - Instruments you play(ed): I took piano lessons as a child, but nothing ever became of it. I wish I would have taken lessons seriously. I'd love to learn how to play the guitar.

J - Job title: Wife, Mommy, Gestational Surrogate, Child Care Provider

K - Kid(s): 2 (Aiden 5 1/2yrs, Addison 2 years) 

L - Living arrangements: Cramped but cozy

M - Mom's name: Pamela (Pam)

N - Nicknames: My family and friends call me Annie.

O - Overnight hospital stay: Gallbladder surgery in 2009. Stayed in hospital for 2 days...all while having a two week old newborn at home....worst time of my life--it was very hard being away from my new baby. 

P - Pet peeve: Chewing with your mouth open 

Q - Quotes you like: Love conquers all <3 

R - Right or left handed: Right 

S - Siblings: 1 sister and 1 "Sissy" :) (my sister in-law) 

T - Time you wake up: During the week I get up at 7:10am. On the weekends more like 8:30am.

U - Umbrella: I love my over sized umbrella!!

V - Vegetable you dislike: Mushrooms (is that a veggie?) 

W - Ways you run late: Getting caught up with getting the kids and myself ready. 

X - X-rays you've had: The back 

Y - Yummy food you make: Spaghetti casserole 

Z- zodiac: Taurus

And now we wait....

Wow. What a long day. I was out the door at 10:30am, headed to USC Fertility in Los Angeles, for a 2:00pm appointment. I'm only about 45mins to an hour away...but I didn't want to chance getting lost and be late to my appointment!! USC Fertility is located in the heart of down town Los Angeles. There are high risers on every corner, crazy drivers by the hundreds, and people (of all kinds!) walking the streets like they own the place. Anyhow, I picked up my co-pilot, my dear Nana, and we were off! The plan was to get there early; locate the clinic; continue on to find a nice place to eat lunch and to kill some time; and then arrive early to the clinic to fill out paperwork, settle in and wait to be called back. Well, it didn't take us very long to eat lunch. I think my Nana and I were more paranoid about being out of our element than anything else. I couldn't stop having thoughts of my car getting broken in to or someone mugging us. So, needless to say, lunch was pretty quick. We arrived at USC Fertility at 12:50pm. May I remind you that my appointment wasn't until 2pm!! Oh boy. Haha!! I think the front office staff were still on their lunch break because I had to ring a bell to sign in--I kind'a felt bad, but oh well. Paper work was filled out pretty quickly. Then we sat there. Waiting. I thought maybe because I was early they'd squeeze me in early? No. I didn't get called back until just AFTER 2pm. It didn't seem like a long wait though. I enjoyed spending time with my Nana talking about the surrogacy and enjoying a nice cup of coffee together. USC Fertility is a very nice clinic. The staff were all very warm and welcoming. I felt very comfortable there. We went over my medical history; Breast exam; Blood work; Urinalysis; Pap. They had a hard time checking my lining and my uterus because I had an IUD in place. We all agreed that it would be easier to have it removed today instead of sending me to my gyno to take it out and then back to USC for the ultrasound (and to be honest, I just wanted to move forward with everything already!). Once they removed my IUD they were successful with the ultrasound and pleased with what they saw. Side note: They didn't perform the sterile water thing. "...next time!", according to the doctor. She continued to say, "Everything looks normal thus far. Now we wait about a week to get the blood and urinalysis results back". Lastly, I was told what happens next--The schedule of the meds--what they are and how they work and that this will all start as soon as contracts are in place. This was all so "surro-real" (as one of my surro-friends said it best =)). I was told to start taking prenatal vitamins and I should hear from them next week with the test results. I left the clinic feeling like I was on top of the world. I felt amazing! This is going to be an incredible journey and I am so honored to be a part of it. During our ride home my Nana asked me, "how was the transfer". I said, "what transfer? What do you mean?". LOL, I don't know where she got the idea, but she thought the transfer was today! Oh Nana, I love you. =)

Driving towards downtown Los Angeles. I felt like such the tourist, haha! Can you tell I hardly get out of Orange County? My girlfriends and I joke that we are "stuck behind the orange curtain". 

We were surrounded by tall buildings. It was a neat sight, and a scary one too. What IF there was an earth quake!?! I cringe at the thought

My Nana and I in the waiting room.

Getting ready for the exam. Dr thought it was so neat how I am documenting this whole journey. She was more than happy to snap a quick picture =)

A jar of unwrapped condoms. I thought it was funny....

TMI but whatever. Can you spot the IUD? Crazy to think that thing was in my cervix for the last two years!

The lighting on this picture is pretty bad sorry, but if you look towards the middle of the picture you can see how much traffic there was going both ways. This is what rush-hour traffic looks like in L.A.. Thank goodness for carpool lanes!! 

It's all on me right now

I have my medical screening tomorrow afternoon with Eleazar and Angie's doctor. It's all on me now whether we can move forward or not. Everything lies on the results of this screening. Also, Dr. Paulson, who I will be seeing tomorrow, is a male. I've never had a male doctor examine me "down there" before. I've always worked with woman doctors. So, that is a bit scary too. I am a nervous wreck. I am nervous eating. There goes my diet!! I can't help but to worry about this exam and the results. It will take two weeks to get the results back. A whole two weeks that I sit here, thinking, waiting, and nervous eating!!!! Holy toledo--I pray for this part to be done and over with real soon so that we all can move forward. Positive vibes, please! I sure can use them right about now.

Side note: I heard from another surro friend that during the ultrasound that they'll perform tomorrow, they'll fill up my uterus with sterile water. Thus resulting in that water having to come back out and the feeling of "peeing" yourself. Icky!!!! I'm interested to see how this one pans out, haha!