Merry Everything and Happy New Year!

Well....I failed to get this posted BEFORE Christmas. Whoops!! Here it is anyways. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS!

I hope you and your family are enjoying this holiday season. The new year is just around the corner and I CAN. NOT. WAIT. to see what's in store!! It seems as though 2011 was a time to find "me" and work out all of our kinks in this surrogacy journey. Well, I have found "me" and now i'm ready to blast into 2012 without looking back.

2012 is OUR YEAR!!

My IPs and I are excited about what's to come for us in the new year. We just want to get pregnant already! Geesh. Is that too much to ask?  Well, ya, apparently it is. There were necessary hurdles to jump over (for the both my IPs and myself) in order to get us to where we are at today. Everything will be worth it in the end (a baby for my IPs is soo worth all of this madness!).  I am matched with an amazing set of IPs that I just adore and I couldn't imagine doing a surrogacy for anybody else. So yea...it has totally been worth "the ride" so far.

If this "waiting game" thinks it's getting the best of me...well....HA! I've got something else in mind...PATIENCE!!! I've mastered this waiting game people. It's on like Donkey Kong.

Cheers to the New Year and what's to come for us all!!

*My last post of the year - 2010....and what I looked forward to in 2011. 

Crazy how things change....and in my case, for the better. 

Where art thou Egg Donor?

I've been dying to "check in" with you all, but I don't have any good news just yet. My Intended Parents are still on a mad search to find a new egg donor. It's crazy the process that goes into choosing the perfect egg donor. And then once you choose one, she has to "approve" you as well (or at least that's how it is in our case). It's been a crazy roller coaster and we are just ready to get going again. My IPs might be close to snagging "the one" and I have everything crossed that it will happen very soon!! Every time I get a notification on my phone that there is a new email waiting for me, I get all nervous and think that it could be an email from one of my IPs saying that we are ready to go for round #2. Sooooon!!! I can feel it.

It's been very bitter sweet for me lately. A handful of my most closest surro-sisters have gone through transfers, got that "positive" pee stick, delivered their surro-babies, or are about to deliver. I am so overwhelmed with joy for them, but also a little sad that I am still here and waiting for my turn. There is a girl in one of my Facebook groups that transferred the same week that I was supposed to back in October. We were "transfer buddies". My transfer was canceled and hers was successful. She is now pregnant and I am so happy for her and her IPs!! But, I'm not going to lie.....it's a little sad seeing her posts and thinking to myself that I too could have been where she is at today. I could have been 11 weeks pregnant this week. That makes me sad. It makes me sad that my IPs are still waiting too.

I'm ready to go!! I'm excited to get through the holidays and start fresh with a successful transfer in the new year. I want this so badly. My IPs want this so badly. I know this will happen for us...when the timing is right. But damn it...can't the timing be NOW! I feel like a little girl pouting. I'm allowed to pout just a little, right? ;)

Anyhow, that's about it for me. I met up with a few of my lovely surro-sisters who were in town for their transfer this past month. So, i'll leave you with a few neat pictures of some awesome ladies that I am happy to call my friends. Oh, and by the way...all three of them who transferred are now PREGNANT!!! Yay for surro-babies and more families created!! #ilovesurrogacy!

Me ~ Kelly (Just the Stork - now pregnant!) ~ Stacie (now pregnant!) ~ Laura

Me ~ Jennifer (now pregnant!) ~ Misti

Perfect timing. . . .

Canceled Transfer

Well, as the headline states, the transfer has been canceled. Due to privacy concerns for others involved, I will not go into detail.

I am ok. Totally bummed out, but I will be fine. I am looking at this as I was lucky enough to do a trial run...now I know what to expect for round #2. I know the meds and injections are totally do-able now, and I know that my body  and my uterus reacts beautifully to the meds.

I am keeping my head up and thinking positive about the situation. This just wasn't our time.....and that is OK. Our time will come. I am positive about that.

I will use these next few "free" months to get myself into better shape. This will ultimately better my chances at a successful VBAC next year. This is very important to me.

My sister turns 24 next week. I am thankful that I am now able to celebrate with her and have a few drinks in her honor.

Over the next week I will wean myself off the medication that I have been taking for the past four weeks. I'll get a period and then hop back on birth control pills until we are all ready for round #2.

Anyhow, there is not much more to say...I just wanted to give you all a quick update so you are not left hanging and wondering what ever happened to Andrea. I will probably take a break from blogging for a while and until things start to pick up again. It could be a few months...at the least.

I am in it to win it, so please don't feel bad for me about what has happened. Surrogacy comes with so much uncertainty and has taught me so much about patience and flexibility. I love my IPs very much and I look forward to this next go-around together with them.

**One year ago today I received something very special in the mail. 

Counting Down Until Transfer Day

The transfer is less than two weeks away and I couldn't be more thrilled!! I never thought this day would finally come and to know that it's just a week and a half away....is amazing.

I am so excited to see my Intended Fathers. We talk/text/email regularly, but haven't seen each other since our match meeting in July. I'm hoping we are able to spend a few days together while they are down for the egg retrieval and transfer.

I might have the opportunity to meet the egg donor next week while she is in town for the egg retrieval. If it works out while my Guys are in town, this will make for one hell of a photo opp!!

My son, Aiden, is becoming more and more involved and excited about the surrogacy. My heart smiles every time Aiden asks questions. Most recently he asked when he will get to meet The Guys and wanted to know if they could bring their dog with them. So cute. The other night while I was quietly administering my Lupron injection, Aiden walks in and says, "Mom, I want to do it!". So, I let him push the syringe. I was expecting him to say something...maybe smile or giggle? Nope. When he was finished he just walked away. It was like he was a pro.

How are the injections coming along? Not as bad as I thought they would be. The Lupron (tummy) injections are the easiest ones with the needle being so teeny tiny. I am able to give these to myself with no problems. My only complaint now is that it seems like my skin is getting tough to stick the needle into. I've been rotating sides/areas, but nothing is helping. The big estrogen (booty) shots are going well--I've only had 3 so far. I can not do them on my own, so my sister has been coming over every three nights for those injections. Tonight she must have hit a vein because there was a lot of blood. It didn't hurt, but she sure was worried that she had done something wrong.

(excuse me while I side track for a moment)

This is how I have organized my meds, needles, syringes, alcohol wipes, ect.
(Lupron stays in the fridge)
I refill my caddy as needed and store it out of the way until the next use.

This past weekend I enjoyed a last hoorah with my girlfriends.
Sushi and drinks were in order.
When the restaurant manager got word of our celebration, he brought me this desert.
Best. Candle. Ever!!

(What was I saying?? Oh yea...)

I had a monitoring appointment this past Monday and much to my surprise my uterine lining is already at 16mm!! When the ultrasound tech told me this, I screamed, "SIXTEEN!?!". At last weeks appointment--I had just started my period that morning--and my lining was at 5.8mm, so I wasn't expecting to hear 16mm already. With that said, and being that my body is reacting nicely to the meds, there will be no increase in estrogen this week. (for those of you unaware..estrogen helps to thicken the uterine lining...thus making the perfect, cushy environment for the little embies to "stick")

I'm excited...and a little nervous to see what my lining will be at this coming Monday. I'd prefer to stay around 16mm.

Transfer is in T minus 12 days. Aaaack!!! I can't believe it.
"A" and "M", let's get pregnant!!

***One year ago I was prepping for my first Match Meeting.

I want my Mommy!!!!

Holy shit. I knew this next round of injections was going to be tough, but as I look at the needle that will be going into my bum.....I feel like crying. I WANT MY MOMMY!!! No seriously. I want my Mom here with me for this injection. My Mom is my rock and if anybody can get me through this, it is my Mom.

This week I start the next phase of medication and another injection. In addition to the Lupron injection that I've been taking every night for the past week and a half, I will be adding to my daily ritual.....Estrace (2mg 1tab 2x/day), PNV/Folate/DHEA (vitamins 3x/day), and the dreaded Estradiol injection (0.1cc into my bum every 3 days).

I opened one of the needles tonight. Not freakin' cool. And you want me to stick this WHERE!?!?

My Mom is out of the country on business but she returns Thursday night. I hope she's home in time to help me with my first bum shot. If not, I have a lovely surro-sister who has already volunteered to drive down here and help me.

Day 4 of Lupron

I was really nervous for my first Lupron injection.

Friday night, after my son's football practice, we headed out to pizza with the team. I found my self hanging around as long as possible, having a few (too many!) beers with the parents and procrastinating. I wasn't ready to go home. As excited as I am to be where we are at on this journey, I wasn't ready to face the fact that I had to stab myself with a needle. I was terrified that when I walked through my front door it was shot time. So instead, I poured myself another beer and continued to procrastinate.

11:30pm rolled around. I think we closed down the pizza place. It was time to head home. The team had opening day the next morning and we had to be back at the field at 8:30am. It was time to go home. It was time for the shot.



I prepped the syringe with 10 units of Lupron. Numbed my belly with ice. Rubbed the area with an alcohol swab. And then I stood there. The needle in my hand. I couldn't do it. I could't stab myself. Shaking my head, I yelled to Eric, "This is wrong!" thinking no one should ever have to stab them self. I continued to just stand there with the needle ready and in my hand. Finally, I gave the needle a little tap tap on my belly to see if I could feel anything. Nothing. No pain. Deep breathes.......I can do this!


Then I heard Aiden running down the stairs to give me a kiss goodnight and I thought to myself, damn it, I need to do this now. Tap, tap, tap, tap, puuuush!!!! It was in. No pain at all. 


Psssht. I got this!!! 

All that hype for nothing. It was literally painless.


Fast forward to Sunday night. I got a little too comfortable with my shot administering abilities. I thought, lets see if I can do this without the ice. There was a little pinch, but nothing more. Sweet!


Then a burning sensation crept up on me and lasted for about an hour. Dang it!! Was it because I didn't use ice? Maybe it was because I injected the Lupron too low on my belly?

The next morning (Monday) I woke up to this:

Don't mind the redish looking skin...this was taken from my camera phone.

A nice dollar-coin-size bruise. Nice. Just nice. 


Lesson learned. Use ice with every injection. And stay within 2 inches below the belly button when injecting the Lupron. 

And so it begins

Meds have arrived!!!  Meds have arrived!!! Meds have arrived!!!

T = 31 days until (possible) transfer!!!!!!!!!!!

This is enough medication for....get this....ONE MONTH!!
Of course there are more needles and syringes, but I didn't want to pull them all out just for the picture.

I had my first monitoring appointment today. This will be the first of many monitoring appointments throughout this cycle and leading up to the transfer. These appointments consist of blood work and a lovely transvaginal ultrasound.

Say hello to Mr. Weenie Wand....complete with a condom and lube!!

I received confirmation today that I am to start the Lupron injections this evening!! Holy hell, can you believe it!?! I'm already clenching my teeth at the thought of giving myself a shot on a daily basis. Thank goodness the needle is small!

    

Anyhow. I was going to video tape my first injection, but I have decided against it. My belly, where the injection site takes place, is not pretty enough for all to see. So instead, I have found a Lupron injection demonstration on YouTube.  Enjoy!

***One year ago I had a BIG announcement!!

Preparing my womb for a successful embryo transfer

I've had many questions from family and friends about how this next step works: The Meds and Injections.

I've been on birth control for over a month now, and this will help to regulate my menstrual cycle and will also make it easier to sync my cycle with the egg donor's cycle. What?? You didn't think I'd be using my own eggs, did you??

In about a week I will be starting an extensive medication protocol that will help to prep my womb for the embryo transfer. The lining of my uterus will need to be super, super thick in order for the embryo to "stick" and get nice and cozy for a nine month vacation. This will all be accomplished by taking oral pills, vaginal suppositories, and injections, on a daily basis. This step will take approximately one month.

Also, during this time the egg donor will be working hard to prep her body for the egg donation. She will be required to take both oral and self-administered injections as well.

Once eggs are retrieved from the egg donor, they will be fertilized in the lab and then transferred to my uterus 3-5 days later. I will stay on bed rest for 24-48 hours in order to give my Intended Parents' embryo the best chance at sticking around for a while. Also, after the transfer, I will continue on medication, daily and throughout first trimester. This will cause the embryo to implant and help to simulate pregnancy.

My golden box of meds should be here any day now. It will be like Christmas in August and I can not wait. I'm thinking about recording my very first self-administered injection. Would you be interested in watching me poke myself for the first time? Eeeeeeek. I hate needles.

Oh my goodness, and how could I forget!! I met up with a few of my closest surro-sisters last week and we enjoyed a lovely dinner together. Yaaay for surro-sisters!!!

Clockwise from the bottom left: 
Stacie
Misti and her son
Myself and my daughter
Laura

Between the four of us, we have birthed 15 babies (one set of twins)!!!

 

Signed, Sealed, Delivered.....

...I'M YOURS!!!!!!!

Contracts are D.O.N.E!!!

I can now move forward in helping to create a family for my Intended Parents!!

These past few weeks have been so fun. I talk to the guys a couple of times each week, both via email and phone, and I am really enjoying getting to know them. Every time I get an email from one of them I have a perma-smile on my face for the rest of the day.  I love that we are on the same page with everything--it has made the legal process go so smoothly.....and quickly! Growing Generations really does a nice job at matching surrogates with Intended Parents. This could not have been a better match and we are all VERY excited to be moving forward!!

My son, Aiden, has been very curious of the guys since I announced to him that we are going to help two men become daddies. At first Aiden was all giggles and wasn't quite understanding why the baby(ies) will have 2 daddies and no mommy. He even asked if I would be living with the guys. I assured him that I will not. It helped to remind Aiden about our close family friends, Sue and Maria, who are gay--married--and live together with their children. He now gets it (YAY!!!!!). His next questions were: When are the guys giving us their (baby) egg? Who puts the egg in my belly? How is the egg put into my belly and will my belly be cut open? (THAT was an interesting conversation!) Can he watch the transfer? (OMG, so cute!!) And what are the guys' dog's names (they have two pooches)? So, so cute. He's all full of questions now....I love it. Last night Aiden had the chance to talk on the phone with the guys. He really enjoyed it. So much so, that towards the end of the call he started being silly and was farting. If you know Aiden, then you know that when he farts around you that means that he likes you. ;)

And I'll leave you with this......Word on the street is that I will be starting meds and injections NEXT WEEK!!! You heard that right people. I am well on my way...and I could not be more thrilled!!!

On To Contracts!

We are in the beginning stages of contracts everyone!! Our goal is to go from "beginning" to "finalized" at lightening speed. I LOVE that The Guys and I are on the same page in that we would like to transfer as soon as possible. OMG, I can't believe this is all happening....and quick!

I'll be pregnant for The Guys in no time!!

Looking for other surrogacy blogs to follow?

In the far right column of my blog page you will see "Surrogacy Blogs That I Follow". I have recently updated this list to include my most favorite blogs that I follow (Sorry if i've accidentally missed anyone!). There are a lot of them. In my list you will find both Surrogates and Intended Parents blogs. Some are just starting their journey, others are getting ready for the arrival of their precious baby(ies), and some have successfully completed their journey. I really enjoy reading and following these blogs and I hope that you will too.  

Matched For A Modern Surrogacy!!

I am very excited to announce that I am matched with a pretty awesome set of Intended Parents. Words can not begin to describe how I am feeling right now. It took me over a year to get here and I wouldn't have it any other way. This is where I am meant to be. All of the past struggles and hurdles that I've dealt with have lead me to where I am at today. Does it get any better than this?? Absolutely. It gets better and better!! This is just the beginning of an incredible life-changing journey. A journey that I am so very honored to be a part of. A journey that my family and I will be on with a pretty amazing set of IPs. A journey that will end with a baby in the arms of his/her rightfully deserving parents.

I am helping to create a family. I am assisting two men in their journey to Fatherhood. This is my body and their baby that I will be growing in my tummy. My name is Andrea and I am a gestational surrogate helping to create a modern family. This is my story and it starts now.


A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, home happier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.

Match Meeting!

We had our match meeting today! (well, yesterday because it's after midnight as I'm writing this now)

I was much more nervous this time around compared to my first match meeting. I think it was because I've "known" of these Intended Parents (IPs) for over a month now (I received their profile over a month ago), and I've had quite a bit of time to soak them up and really fall in love with them and their story.  I didn't want to screw this up, and I was so nervous that I was going to. On the car ride to our match meeting I felt myself starting to breathe a little funny as we turned on to the street that the agency is located. It was almost like I was panting, taking in deep breaths trying to control it. It felt like I was going on a blind date and I didn't know what to expect. What are they going to think of me? Is my hair ok? Makeup on good? Do I look too fat? Did I chose the right outfit? Maybe I should have dressed up a bit more? I wonder if they are going to notice the two zits that mysteriously formed on my chin the night before? So many things were going through my head. I also hesitated to walk off the elevator on the 13th floor. Not because we were on the "13th floor" (isn't it illegal to have a 13th floor anyways?), but because I knew the IPs were on the same floor as me now. I knew they were right behind the doors of suite 1330. And I knew this was it. This was the beginning of something that will be so beautiful. But, I'm not going to lie, I was scared out of my mind.

Eric and I proceeded through the doors of suite 1330, Growing Generations. We were greeted by staff and then taken back to meet the IPs. A hug was definitely in order for the both of them!! It was so nice to finally meet the guys that I've seen pictures of and read their profile 100 times over. I couldn't believe that we were actually in the same room together! As we sat down across from each other I felt my nerves reaching a peak, my body shaking and I was jumbling my words. I had to take control or I would surely scare these guys away. Deep breathes did the trick. We ended up having a great meeting that was facilitated by a psychologist who kept us on track and made sure that we were all on the same page compatibility wise. All of the important points of surrogacy were covered, and we agree on everything.

After our meeting, we were released to go have lunch together as a way to get to know one another on a more personal level. Lunch was wonderful and Eric and I both agreed that this couple would be a great match for us. We were sad to see them off, as they had to catch a plane back home but, we were very happy with how this match meeting went.

We've already given our "yes of course we'd love to work with these guys" answer to Growing Gen this afternoon. In fact, after lunch we walked back to Growing Generations to let them know in person of our exciting decision. We'll that, and we needed to get our parking ticket validated. ;)

And now we wait to see if the guys feel the same way. I have a good feeling about this.

Ready. Set. Match Meeting!!!!

Not only did I receive an email today saying that my husband and I are medically cleared for take off (Yessssss!!), but I also received another email saying that the couple who's profile I received a few weeks back (and loved!) would like to meet my husband and I. Our match meeting is set for Tuesday, July 26th. Gah!!! I can't wait.

Med and Psych Screening Tomorrow!!!

I will be up bright and early tomorrow morning to head up to LA for my 9am psych evaluation with Growing Generations and 12pm medical screening with Dr. Kolb at Huntington Reproductive Center in Pasadena. As much as I'm trying not to get too excited about all of this, it's definitely hard not to. A step forward in the right direction is always a good thing!! Oh, and Hubby went in this afternoon for his blood screening again. It will be nice to get both of our screenings out of the way at the same time.

I feel that if I can keep calm, collected, and not "expect" anything, a "let down" will be easier to take. I've been let down, hurt, confused, and so frustrated about the recent HTLV issue that I'm almost waiting for the next set-back to jump in my face. I don't have any expectations right now, I guess as a way to protect myself and my emotions. So, I'm not allowing myself to get too excited just yet--if that makes sense?  Definitely proceeding with caution.

I'll updated again soon with our screening results and what will happen next.

Until next time, I'll leave you with a picture of some Growing Generation Surrogate's:
Kelly (Just the Stork), Misti, and I at dinner the other night. Surro's Rule!!!

Kelly~Me~Misti

The Surro-Sister Bond

The bond that surrogates have with one another runs deep. There is a special connection that no one else can understand unless they were a surrogate. This bond drives me to do "crazy" things according to some family members and close friends of mine. They shake their heads in confusion when I say I'm going to meet up with another surro-friend for dinner.

I hear things like:
"You don't even know them!"
"Why would you want to meet up with someone that you've met over the internet?"
"That doesn't sound safe!"
"Ummm, are you crazy! Why would you do that!?"
"What if they are an ax murderer!!!"

Believe it or not, but my best friend actually said that last comment to me the other day. My family and friends freak out when I say that I am going to visit a surrogate friend and her family that live hours away from me. They think I'm crazy. But, I get it. I understand their concerns for me and my safety. I assure you though. None of my surro-sisters are ax murderers!

The bond that I have built with these few special surro-sisters is indescribable. We may not see each other very often, and some surro-sisters I will never get the chance to meet because the miles between us is too great. But, we talk every day believe it or not. We know all about each other through discussions in our private Facebook group and by following each other's blogs. We know where each other is at in our surrogacy journeys. We root each other on and support each other through all of the ups and downs. We get each other. We understand what each other is going through. We support each other. We lift each other up. We are Surro-Sisters. No matter how near or far a part we are, we have a connection like no other. A connection that runs deep and will last a life time.

Now don't get me wrong--My family and friends support me being a surrogate 110%. They are excited for my journey to get going. They just don't understand my desire to befriend other surrogates and do "crazy" things like attend another surrogate's transfer and spend the entire day with her on bed rest because I didn't want her to be alone (her IP's are international).

It's not every day that you meet another surrogate mother in person. They are few and far in between, and most times than not you meet online. When you find a fellow surrogate you hold on to one another, build a friendship, and do "crazy" things like meet up for dinner or gather your families for an afternoon BBQ. We all have one very special thing in common--We have babies for rightfully deserving people who are not able to have these children on their own. We assist in making dreams come true. Now this is one bond that I am ever so proud to be a part of!

Call me "crazy", but I love my Surro-Sisters and I could't imagine going through surrogacy with out their support and friendship. They play a key role in my support system and I am so grateful for each and every one of them.

Now let's get this party started!!! I am meeting up with a few surro-sisters next week for dinner and I have my medical and psych screening next Friday. I'll be re-screened, cleared for take off, matched with great IPs, and bakin' someone else's baby in no time (I hope!)!!

Prayers for Madyn Frazier

I'd like to take a moment to broaden the prayer circle for Madyn Frazier. Madyn is a good friend's cousin and she was recently diagnosed with Leukemia. Madyn is only 1 1/2 years old.

This is sweet little Madyn. Isn't she just the cutest!!

Madyn is fighting like a champ and her parents are taking great care of her and ensuring the proper treatment is being done. Of course, all of these treatments, medications, and hospital stays do not come with out a cost. The first bill received was over $65, 000!! This is where my good friend Johanna comes in. Jo has set up numerous fundraising opportunities and has also set up a donation spot on her blog. Every little bit helps and I am asking if you can please help out where ever you can, please do! If you can donate, even $5, the Frazier family will be eternally grateful for your kindness.

To read Madyn Fraziers full story, inquire about participating in a fundraising opportunity and/or to donate, please check out my friend Johanna's blog. Jo's goal is to raise $1500 by July 31st. WHEN she reaches that goal  (I say "when", because I have all the faith in the world that she will succeed!) she will be shaving her head in honor of Madyn who is already starting to lose her own precious locks due to the chemo treatment.

---> CLICK HERE <--- to be redirected to Johanna's blog.

Say hello to my little friend

Aunt Flo arrived tonight--thank God!!

Today marked 40 days since the first day of my last period. My previous cycle was 45 days. The normal menstrual cycle ranges form 25 to 35 days, with a 28-day average (according to www.ivillage.com). So, you can imagine how frustrating it is to go 40+ days, have negative pregnancy tests, and still no period. I blame it all on the the damn Mirena that I had removed back in January, and my body trying to adjust. Let me just say......NEVER AGAIN will I get the MIRENA IUD. Never. It does horrible things to your body and mind.

On a more positive note-I have finally been able to schedule my medical/psych screening. Not knowing when my period was going to come (once again, thanks alot Mirena!!), I was able to talk the agency into making me an appointment with the hopes that by the time I have to go in, I will have had my period. The appointment is scheduled for next Friday, July 1st. I am going to try and see if I can get an earlier appointment now that AF has decided to show herself. Wish me luck!

IUD Removal

Its been 5 months since I had the Mirena IUD taken out at my first medical screening and man oh man is it taking my body a long time to adjust!! I had the IUD taken out in January and by February I had the biggest, heaviest, and most painful period of my life. I was leaking through the super tampons in an hour. So not what I am used to. Freaking out, I called my Mom because she always has the answer to everything and she told me that if it continues like this on my next cycle to call the doctor. Ok, so my first period after having the IUD out came and went and I was glad to see it go, that's for sure.

Then March came and it seemed to be back to normal. Phew. Mom was right. My body just needed time to adjust from having the Mirena out. After all, I had the Mirena in for the past two years!! Surely it's going to take some time to adjust.

Ok, so April comes.... and it goes....and NO period. What the heck!! It was going on 44 days since the beginning of my last period back in March so I was freaking out that maybe I was pregnant. Long shot--but it could be. I took a test and it was negative. Thank God!!! The next day, of course, it arrived. May 11th, 45 days since the beginning of my last period. Errr!!!

So, now as I'm preparing for my next medical screening, I have to wait until my period starts in order to schedule the screening. Of course....i'm late AGAIN!! Today is day 33 and while i'm not THAT late (I normally go 30-31 days), it's still a few days late. Let's just hope it's not another 45 day'er like my last cycle.

I was super bitchy last week, and crazy emotional this past weekend. Today my boobs are sore so I'm hoping this is a clear sign that Aunt Flo is about to show herself very soon. This evening I treated myself to frozen yogurt packed with bits of reeces peanut butter cup and sliced almonds. Hoping this will help to welcome Aunt Flo with open arms.

Where oh where can Aunt Flo be?

Aunt Flo is not late, but this month it would be helpful if she would visit just a tad early. Like this weekend would be good. As soon as my cycle starts this month, I am to call the agency to give them a heads up. My medical screening has to be performed 5-14 days after the first day of my period. In order to stay on track with my goals of having the screening done within the next two weeks and matched by mid-July, I need AF to come visit NOW!!

I wasn't expecting this go to so quickly, just cause how things have been in the past, but I actually already received my first Intended Parent's profile--yay!! I am really excited about it, but nothing can happen until I am cleared (again) and ready to go!!

Come on Aunt Flo---LET'S DO THIS!!!! I soooo deserve this part to fly by.

So what's next you ask?

I will be getting a call from my new agency on Monday. Even though they originally said that I could transfer all of my medical/psych screenings over from the previous agency, it is more than likely that I will be screened again, at the doctor's request. So I'm thinking Monday we will be scheduling all of that stuff. Piece of cake compared to the madness that we experienced in the last four months.

My goal: To be re-screened and cleared within the next 2 weeks. Matched with new Intended Parents by mid-July.

I told you I was hitting the ground running!!

HTLV And How It Affected My Surrogacy Journey

I am now able to share with you exactly why I was "let go" by my Intended Parent's Reproductive Endocrinologist; why I lost the Intended Parents that I was previously matched with; why I had to switch agencies; and what I've been dealing with for the past (almost) four months now. Here is my story.

When starting this surrogacy journey in early 2010, I really had no clue what I was getting myself in to. I did a bunch of research on surrogacy before signing with an agency, but there are things that can come up that nobody can be prepared for. I was so nervous about my medical screening, I didn't even give it a second thought about my husbands screening. It never crossed my mind that something could be wrong with my husbands test results. Especially after my results came back perfect! I thought for sure we'd be ready to sign those contracts as soon as I was cleared for take off. Boy, was I so unprepared for what hit us next.

In February, my husband's medical screening results came back positive for a very rare retro-virus called HTLV. HTLV stands for Human T-Lymphotrophic Virus. Scary name right?!!? Well, right in deed! As soon as I got word of this virus, I immediately logged onto the internet and Googled HTLV. My heart broke into a million pieces as I read about this nasty, potentially life threatening virus. The retro-virus HTLV causes T-cell Leukemia and T-cell Lymphoma in adults. Areas of the world that are endemic to the HTLV-1 virus are the Caribbean, Japan, Africa, Middle East, South America, and Melanesia. Not the United States. So, you can imagine how terribly scared and freaked out my husband and I were (not to mention why I wasn't able to spill the beans on my blog about why I lost my IPs). I was told by both the agency that I was working with and the RE's nurse that they often see false positives with this test, and that they were going to further test by performing a test called the Western Blot. Not to panic just yet and lets wait for the second, more in depth test results to come in. Well, back to the lab my husband went to have more blood drawn. I had high hopes that the first test was a false positive--I mean it had to be. If my husband truly had this virus, I would have tested positive for it--it is sexually transmitted. I tested negative for HTLV, so there is no way that my husband had the virus. No way. It had to be a false positive and the Western Blot was going to give us more answers.

Another two weeks had gone by while we were waiting on the results of the Western Blot.  We were informed by the RE's nurse that the results are back and now reading "undetermined". At this point, the doctor is no longer willing to work with me as a surrogate and has asked the intended parents to look in to getting another surro. What the heck!?!? I had done countless hours of research on this nasty virus, and I had come across even further testing that can be performed when the Western Blot comes back uninterpreted--not readable. This third test is called HTLV by RIPA, and only the California State Department of Health can perform this test for us (since we live in CA). I begged and pleaded for this doctor to order the third test. I even said that we would pay for it out of our own pocket--just write the script so we could have it done! My agency begged and pleaded for the doctor to give it one more shot, but he was having none of it. He had made up his mind. No advise to us, but to have my husband seek an infectious disease specialist. Thank you and goodbye--door slammed in our face...or so that's what it felt like. I was devastated. Heart broken for my surrogacy journey that was cut short, and scared out of my mind for the life of my husband. So many emotions. So much confusion. So much heartache. I was now un-matched and no longer able to work with the agency until we could prove that my husband was negative for HTLV. We needed that third test performed!! But how?

I made an appointment for my husband to see his primary care physician. We didn't know where else to start, so we figured we might as well start from the bottom. When at the doctor's office, my husband asked her if she'd ever dealt with HTLV cases before. Her response, "Only one other time, and it happened to also be another surrogate's husband....he eventually tested negative". I thought that was very interesting to say the least. Anyhow, she retested my husband using the Western Blot (the 2nd test), and once again, "undetermined". HTLV is so rare in the US, and not many doctors know how to deal with it. All the doctor could tell us was to retest in a month. Another flippin' month of waiting!!! I couldn't take it anymore. Something had to be done. There had to be other options.

I know I have mentioned it before, but I am sooo very thankful for the surrogate support group that I am a part of. With all of my confusions and frustrations regarding my husband's results, I reached out to my surro-sisters and one of them was able to get me in with her agency, Growing Generations. Growing Generations agreed to work with me and see that my husband's HTLV issue was tested further. They took us under their wings and sent my husband to a doctor who ordered the necessary test that needed to be performed--HTLV by RIPA. On April 14th he had his blood drawn for this test. This was it. This test was going to give us a definite yes or no. This test would ultimately change our future--for the good, or for the bad. We will have our answer and I prayed every night that it was the answer that we wanted--A big fat negative!!!

Fast forward to today, almost four months after we first received news about my husband testing positive for HTLV; Four months of our life waiting in limbo; Four months of not knowing what our future holds; Four months of torture. I received a call this morning that my husband is NEGATIVE!!!! I knew in my heart all along that he was negative. I just knew it. I fought hard for what I believed in. I pushed forward and persevered. We concurred this madness. I didn't give up and we succeed. My husband is 100% negative for HTLV and I am now moving forward with my journey in becoming a gestational surrogate.

Move outta my way, people!!! This Momma is hitting the ground running to help another couple's dream come true of having a baby.

To help you understand what HTLV is:

What is HTLV - CLICK HERE

FAQs about HTLV - CLICK HERE

Long Beach PRIDE Festival

I attended Long Beach PRIDE this past weekend--my first time ever--and it was a blast!! I was determined to make a shirt that was surrogacy related and when I reached out to my surro-sisters, one of them had an extra shirt from her trip to SF PRIDE last year and she was more than happy to pass it down to me. 

MY UTERUS IS AN ALLY

Dont mind the droopy eyes....i was going off of 4.5 hours of sleep the night before!

Many people at PRIDE liked my shirt....and a few even asked "What does My Uterus is an ALLEY mean?". Oh boy people!! If my uterus was an alley, i'd be in big trouble. My uterus is in fact an ALLY--I am working on becoming a gestational surrogate for a gay couple--thus myself and my uterus being an ALLY. :)

I had an amazing time supporting the community, my mother, sister, and friends at the PRIDE festival. Here are a few of my favorite photo opps of the day!

I proudly support
My friend of 20yrs, Randy~~My Mom~~My Sister

My friend Randy and his husband, John

My sister and her girlfriend

Enough said.

I am determined to become a gestational surrogate for a gay couple. Whether it be my first journey or my second (my heart is set on two surrogacy journeys)....I will help a gay couple bring a child into this world.

And as one of my surro-sister's, Kelly, at Just the Stork once said---
 "I promise I will fight for your rights until the day I die."